Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
