is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
