ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
