maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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