nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
