Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
