I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
