So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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