i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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