I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
