my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
