I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
