Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
