I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
i need some magic done to my vagina
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
