This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Be still, my beating vagina.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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