He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
the day after is always just damage control
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
