i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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