threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
