just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
