Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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