hell yes lets make some ravioli
i can't believe i had my finger in that
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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