my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
