Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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