Where is the hickey?
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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