It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize