his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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