I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Randomize