she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize