And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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