The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
