I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
