We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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