Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
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