are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize