Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
