Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
