Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
