We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
My feet surprised me
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