oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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