p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
