Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
