u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize