Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
