pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
