I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
You took a bar mat shot.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
