I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize