kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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