i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
