I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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