Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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