so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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