Im at strip club and am horny
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
