If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Randomize
