you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
