did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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