now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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