do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
