if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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