I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize