whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
