Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
