for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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