we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
