We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
