I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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