So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he fucked my hip out of place.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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