i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
