Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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