theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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