god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
