We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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