I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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