I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
