I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
