We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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