If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
