Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Blow job season was short but glorious.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
