The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
