And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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