I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
