She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
