..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
