Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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