The brown eye won't let me do that either.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
