Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
