take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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