I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
