If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
