ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize