Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
