I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
