worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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