remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You pole danced in your parka.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
