Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Randomize
