they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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