I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
