Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
