I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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