Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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