Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Randomize
